You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
