i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
