"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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