I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
