tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
