census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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