if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
