Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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