maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
