We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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