I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
