I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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