i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
