I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
