my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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