how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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