I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
