Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
