My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
