last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
