Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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