How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
