Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
