woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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