Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
