I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
