im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize