This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
