one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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