her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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