It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
