:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
