On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
