the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
