He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
