you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
