As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
