Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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