I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
