So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
