Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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