As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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