I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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