You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
