My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
