i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Holy shit dude........stairs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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