Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
