wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
