At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
