Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i've created a new STD.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
