when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
