If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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