if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
