Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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