I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Life is so much better after having sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
